


Not Just a Memory

by frek



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, Slash Advent Calender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-20
Updated: 2003-12-20
Packaged: 2017-10-28 08:47:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/306075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frek/pseuds/frek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus remembers his past with Sirius.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Just a Memory

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2003 Slash Advent Calender

Sirius jumped to the side, laughing, dodging curse after curse as they streaked past him in a rainbow of colors. Bellatrix was getting angry; he could see it in her eyes. He watched as a particularly virulent red streak passed closely over Sirius' head and as the man ducked just in time.

"Come on, you can do better than that!" Sirius, just as smug as always, taunted Bellatrix.

He watched in what felt like slow motion as the next curse hit Sirius squarely in the chest, sending him flying down the stairs and through the archway.

And within moments, he realized that Sirius was gone. No more was the man he had spent most of his life with.

\- - - - -

Remus sat up, glancing around the dark room as his eyes adjusted to the pale moonlight streaming through the dirty window. He sighed, allowing himself to fall back into the soft bed, feeling his damp nightshirt sticking to his back.

He rested his head on the down pillow, closing his eyes. He had to sleep; he only prayed the sleep that followed would be dreamless. And just as he settled on the brink of slumber, he heard that voice:

"Come on, you can do better than that!"

The words haunted him. During his days, in his dreams. They caught him off guard, sending chills down his spine, and momentarily freezing his heart. They were a constant reminder in the back of Remus' mind. A persistent voice calling out, mocking him in his grief.

He knew he could do better. But his mind wouldn't let him move on. He was constantly living in the past, forgetting the present, ignoring the future. It was just too difficult for him to acknowledge that Sirius was truly gone from his life.

"I'm sorry, Padfoot," Remus whispered into his pillow, before allowing himself to drift off to sleep.

\- - - - -

"Come on! You can do better than that!" Sirius called out, laughing.

Remus smiled back at his friend, before climbing on his own broom and kicking off from the ground. He bent over the handle, seeing Sirius several feet before him, carrying a large red ball.

Sirius stopped mid-flight in front of Remus, causing him to struggle to a stop. Sirius watched Remus with appraising eyes as the werewolf managed to pull his broom to a halt inches away from Sirius. "Hm."

Sirius laughed as he held the ball before Remus, laughing as the other boy attempted to take it from his hands, before pulling it to his side and heading off towards the goals at the end of the pitch. Remus caught on quickly, and pushed his broom towards Sirius, trying to catch up.

He watched as Sirius slowed down before the golden hoops, glancing back at his friend right behind him. Sirius tossed the ball through the air and it arced perfectly into the hoop.

Remus sighed, pulling to a stop next to Sirius. "You win again," he admitted, watching as the ball drifted slowly to the pitch below them.

Sirius smiled, pulling Remus closer to him, an arm circling Remus around his neck. "You're getting better."

Remus nodded, glancing up into Sirius' dirty face. "I was never meant to play Quidditch."

"We're not meant for a lot of things," Sirius said softly, his eyes not moving from Remus'.

Without warning, he leaned over, his lips meeting Remus', sending little bits of electric feelings racing through Remus' body. Remus felt Sirius' lips touch his, soft and feathery. Without the realization of what was happening, Remus found himself returning the kiss to the other boy.

After a moment, they pulled apart, their eyes locked, the airy feeling from the kiss still surrounding them like a comforting blanket. Remus felt confused, allowing it to show plainly on his face. "What was that?" Remus asked, unsure of what to actually do as a result of their actions.

Sirius smiled, his dark eyes twinkling happily. "We're meant to be," he said simply before turning his broom down to the ground and disappearing from Remus' side.

\- - - - -

Remus rolled over, pulling the quilt tighter around him, savoring in the warmth of the bed. The dream was just moments ago, the memory even longer. But somehow, he still felt Sirius right next to him, his lips on his own, his laugh on the air. Somehow, it felt like the other man had never left, and Remus didn't want to allow the world into his thoughts. He didn't want that feeling to leave.

He lay still under the covers, trying to ignore light shining from behind closed eyelids. Even if he wasn't ready, the world was. Remus sighed, opening his eyes, giving himself a few moments to adjust to the sunlight brightening his room, before throwing the quilt back and climbing out of bed.

He slid his feet into a pair of slippers and padded across the room into the bathroom to get ready for the new day. He followed his daily routine of showering, shaving, and dressing, and once he was finished, he started through the hall and down the stairs to the kitchen.

He glanced around the building as he slipped through the halls. The pictures on the walls were taunting him with their leering smiles and narrowed eyes. It wasn't like they could feel what Remus felt. They didn't understand what was plaguing his mind day in and out. They just knew that Sirius, the bane of their familial existence was gone from their sight.

He rounded a corner at the bottom of the stairs and entered the kitchen through an old creaking door. He walked across the cold stone floor and settled into a chair at the table, summoning a pot of tea and a teacup from across the room. He heated the tea in the pot and poured some in his cup, adding sugar and cream and stirring it slowly.

He sat back in the chair as it emitted a loud squeak of protest from his weight, and pulled the Daily Prophet to himself from across the table. On the front cover was a picture of Bellatrix from Azkaban Prison. Remus sighed; was this ever going to end? He hated going through life every day being reminded of Sirius and how he died. He hated not knowing what was going to happen next with Voldemort and his followers. And he hated the fact that he felt so useless in the Order's pursuit of Voldemort and his death eaters.

Remus set the newspaper down and let his head fall against the back of the chair. All he wanted was Sirius back. Everything would work itself out from there.

\- - - - -

"Come on," Sirius' deep voice teased, "You can do better than that."

Remus squirmed under the other man's touch, pleading for more. He twisted his body under Sirius' trying to feel more, but Sirius kept pulling away, just enough to make Remus call out with disappointment.

"Come on," Sirius whispered heavily in Remus' ear, "Let me hear you say it." He slid down over Remus, his lips trailing down the other man's shallow stomach.

"Pl..." Remus started, his words cut off as a tongue was run along the length of his cock. He lifted his head up, noticing Sirius smiling wickedly back at him, his lips hovering just over his cock.

"I'm waiting," Sirius said, his breath sliding over the sensitive skin.

"Please?" Remus implored. "For me?"

Sirius laughed, his dark eyes, bright, before sliding his lips over Remus' cock.

Remus shuddered as waves of pleasure assaulted his body, the sensations mounting quickly until he could barely take anymore. He reached down, his fingers sliding through Sirius' hair as the intensity subsided and left him feeling weak and relaxed.

Within moments, Sirius' touch was gone, and he was lying by Remus' side, smiling contentedly.

"Know what?" Sirius asked Remus, his fingers settling in Remus' tan hair.

"What?"

"I love you."

Remus opened his eyes, seeing the sincerity in Sirius'. Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius' waist, pulling the other man close to his side. "I love you too," he whispered to Sirius. And he knew then that Sirius was right. They were meant for each other.

\- - - - -

Remus stood up from the table, folding the Daily Prophet, leaving it on the table with the tea set. He sighed, stretching, and moving on from the kitchen.

Things had been slow the last week as far as matters with the Order were concerned. Dumbledore and the other professors were at Hogwarts with the students. Molly was visiting with Charlie about Order business away from Grimmauld Place, while the others were doing their duties for the ministry during the day.

Remus seemed to be the only one without a real role in the scheme of things. Since Sirius' death, he had drifted away from the core of the action, and chosen to spend most of his time maintaining Grimmauld Place and keeping simple affairs straight. Other than that, he spent most of his days wandering the halls of the building aimlessly, drifting in and out of reminiscence. He wasn't sure it was doing him much good as far as transition went, but it was all he could do for the moment.

He walked the halls of Grimmauld Place for most of the morning and early afternoon, cleaning up the rooms as he went and creating fires in the various fireplaces to warm the cold chambers.

Eventually he found himself in an old stuffed armchair before a warm fire, a tumbler of amber liquid half empty on a table by his side. He had hardly touched the drink, but the glass felt comfortable in his hands. And he needed something to do with himself. He had several hours before the other Order members would show up at the house.

Remus lifted the heavy glass; taking a sip from it and placing it back down on the table. He hated these moments of emptiness. These were the worst. When he felt most alone and lost. The house was empty, and all was quiet with the exception of the occasional creak of the old wood or the crackle of the fire. If anything, these sounds accentuated the loneliness that he was feeling at the moment.

He leaned back in the chair, allowing his head to sink into the soft cushion, and closing his eyes to the fire. He had spent the afternoon fighting off the memories and now he was ready to give in, if only for a few moments. He needed to feel Sirius near him.

"Padfoot," Remus whispered to the empty room, expecting no answer in return. "I miss you... Things haven't been the same since you've been gone. I just can't bring myself to care about all of this any more. All I want is to have you back," Remus trailed off, his voice straining as he held back tears.

Remus relaxed into the chair, his hair slipping over his face, hiding the dampness threatening to spill over his eyelids and slide down his face.

"I love you," the words came out half whispered and shaky, but they were heartfelt.

\- - - - -

"Come on, you can do better than that," Sirius whispered, running his fingers through Remus' limp hair.

"I love you, Padfoot," Remus said, tears streaking down his hollow cheeks.

Sirius leaned down, brushing his lips over Remus' tear-stained face. "I know, Moony, I love you too."


End file.
